Dudes, Where are You?
Something has been on my mind for months, in fact, years. Men, where are you? I spend much of my time in one meditation and mindfulness context or another. Over the last couple of years, the presence of people who identify as men has significantly winnowed down. It's not uncommon for me to be in a meditation group where I am the only man. What’s going on?
Don’t get me wrong -- I appreciate all the people I practice with and teach. Normally, I would not notice gender so much. However, being too often the "only one" or "one of the few" certainly attunes me to an imbalance in spaces that are implicitly open to all genders to begin with.
Perhaps part of me is a bit lonely, longing for the companionship of fellow male friends and practitioners on the path. Another part of me is concerned. We have a serious mental health crisis at this time. Some studies point to men being particularly affected and at risk. More generally, we have what many call a crisis of masculinity in our culture. My heart says the world would benefit if more men meditated. Our efforts to unlearn toxic masculinity can be supported by learning to open our hearts fully in the way that mindfulness meditation and compassion practices lead us to naturally.
In speaking about this with teaching colleagues, it’s clear to most that more men attend specific kinds of retreats and events. These tend to be “goal” orientated, such as “achieving” a certain meditative capacity. But when it comes to heart centered practices and the cultivation of mindfulness, the numbers drop. The ratio in MBSR (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction) class is often 3:1, roughly speaking, as there are more than two genders of course. I am personally saddened by this: these practices transformed my life, and I wish more men were motivated by such a radical whole-life transformation, beyond somewhat narrow goals, such as “a level” of concentration or insight, which may not always translate off the cushion.
Perhaps it’s not as bad as I think. Last Spring, I had a class that, shockingly, was composed 50% of men. This was the first time in my 15 years of teaching this has ever happened. Is this a sign of hope? I can also report that one of my current Dharma courses has a similar make up. Further, when I was recently on retreat at the Forest Refuge at The Insight Meditation Society, a majority of yogis were men. The resident teachers were surprised by this. Like me, they were used to seeing much smaller numbers of men before the pandemic.
I want to be very clear about something. I care deeply about the issues that impact women, trans-women and gender non-conforming people — in their lives, in their practice, and in our highly patriarchal and violent world. I cherish the gains made, and I know they are fragile and must be defended and advanced. I also care about men. Just because I am writing about my concerns about men does not mean that these are my only concerns. But I do yearn for a space to unpack what has been going on with men, and their glaring absence, in many meditation communities.
Several questions arise for me. Are men (regardless of sexual preference) looking for something different from meditation than people of other genders? Is the challenge to develop “non-striving” and “non-doing” harder for men or less appealing to them? What are the ingrained habits of “maleness” which end up being obstacles to meditation? Is the issue meditation or meditation communities? What role does patriarchy play in all this? And, importantly, how can I investigate this, asking the right questions, without reinforcing harmful stereotypes?
I have not cracked the mystery of gender imbalances in the modern meditation hall. I’m also not the only one asking these questions. There has been research conducted on this both in Buddhist Studies and in the healthcare sector (see below).
In the meantime, I am building up momentum with others and started a regular online sitting group within the Space2Meditate community specifically for those who identify as men. I think it's worth the experiment. If men reading this would like to join me, do get in touch. And if you support this, and you are not a man, you can reach out to the men in your life who you think might be interested in such an experiment.
One last thing. This is not about separating from the rest of the Space2Meditate sangha, as some have asked! It’s an additional sitting opportunity on our schedule. It does not replace or undermine anything else we do. In fact, since we started, more men have popped up in sangha, in general. Affinity groups of all kinds exist in numerous contemplative communities, so that people can intimately explore their social conditioning and its impact. In fact, I hope more affinity groups of all kinds mushroom out of this. Obviously, I am not qualified to lead a women’s group or a gender non-conforming group, but I hope others step up if it can be of benefit.
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Some recent studies on this topic:
Dawn M. Upchurch and Pamela Jo Johnson, “Gender Differences in Prevalence, Patterns, Purposes, and Perceived Benefits of Meditation Practices in the United States,” Journal of Women’s Health 28, no. 2 (February 1, 2019): 135–42.
Jeff Wilson, “Mindfully Feminine? The Role of Meditation in the Production and Marketing of Gendered Lifestyles.” in Karma Lekshe Tsomo, Buddhist Feminisms and Femininities (Albany, US: State University of New York Press, 2019).